First off, I’m not one of those sad-sack husbands who’s in a Dead Bedroom. No, no, no. My wife and I have a great sex life, but sometimes you just need a little… variety, you know? Like how I sometimes swap out her socks with knee-high boots. She hates it, but it’s hilarious, and that’s what keeps our marriage spicy.

Now, let’s talk about me: 1. Knows how to cook a mean steak (and no, I’m not talking about my… never mind, you get it). 2. I’m a master of detail - I’ll remember your favorite flowers, your secret fears, and exactly how you like your coffee. 3. I’ve skydived, bungee-jumped, and even tried that weird yoga class with the hot instructor. 4. I love music, and I’m not just talking about the top 40. 5. I’m game for anything (almost) - from new restaurants to new… experiences. 6. I believe in giving back, both in and out of the bedroom. Think of me as your personal philanthropist.

Here’s what I’m looking for in a woman: 1. A body that makes me want to call in sick to work, even though I’m my own boss. 2. A mind that can keep up with my wit, because I don’t have time for dull conversations. 3. A woman who understands that an affair is just a spicy side dish, not the main course.

I’m a busy man, so let’s keep things simple: 1. If you’re looking for a divorce, I’m not your guy. I love my wife, and I’m not about to ruin two marriages for one affair. 2. If you’re not comfortable with exchanging pictures, then we’re not going to work. A picture is worth a thousand words, and I need to know what I’m getting into. 3. If you’re not ready to jump on Telegram when the moment’s right, then we’re not on the same page. I’m a busy man, and I don’t have time for games. 4. You’ve got to be ready. I’m not into long, drawn-out conversations. If we’re feeling it, let’s meet in person within two weeks of our initial chat.

Remember, this is just an affair, not a fairytale. I’m not Prince Charming, I’m just the guy who makes your prince seem a little less charming.

Now, who’s ready to swap out some socks?

P.S. Just for fun, who’s your favorite Disney princess?