So, here’s the lowdown on me: I’m 6 feet tall, 160 lbs (I’m all muscle, minus the donut-induced love handles), and I actually enjoy working out. In my free time, I’m all about movies, books, video games, music, and low-key diving into conspiracy theories (shoutout to the WhyFiles crowd). I like to think I’m pretty educated, but who knows, I could just be a highly-advanced meme machine.

I’m also LDS, still go to church, but I’ll leave my final review to the Big Guy upstairs when I punch out of this mortal coil.

As for personality? Think of me as a delightful cocktail of sarcasm, needy vibes, and way too many SpongeBob memes. My humor’s as dark as a pirate’s treasure chest, and my sarcasm is sharper than a hook-handed pirate. Arrr.

If this piques your interest, hit me up! Worst-case scenario, one of us gets ghosted. And if I drop a "Good morning" after things go silent, it’s just me trying to be a lovable idiot who missed the punchline of life.

I know the pool is a bit like trying to find a needle in a haystack at this point, so if you’re reading this, congratulations! You've found the proverbial needle. If you’re feeling brave, shoot me a message—let’s make this feel less like an awkward interview and more like a chill chat.

Here’s a few icebreakers to get you started:

Favorite book or genre? (I’ll judge you kindly, promise.)

Movie or TV show you can’t get enough of?

Best song ever (don’t say "Baby Shark")?

What’s your guilty pleasure hobby?

Oh, and how old are you? (Gotta know if I’m talking to a fellow millennial or someone who still thinks VHS is cool.)

Let’s keep it real, though—these conversations are like mayflies. Here for a second, gone in a heartbeat. So, let's not waste time on small talk. I’ll probably ask for a pic, because let's face it, everyone cares about looks—even if I try to pretend I don't. If you send me a pic and it’s you and your cat dressed as Shrek, I’ll still respond… but with a little internal side-eye.

Okay, I’ve written enough, and I’m not even sure if this makes sense anymore.