These ads are the worst, right? So, let me be specific and concise. Here is what I am looking for:

Age: 25-45

Location: Westchester, Rockland, Fairfield, North Jersey, NYC

Status: Married or LDR

Experience level: ideally not a novice, but if we connect and you’re serious, it doesn’t matter

About you: witty, active, engaging, smart

Dealbreakers: singles; women looking for replacement partners—I am not leaving my marriage; smokers; hard drugs; STI’s; spouse-bashers; multi-affair partners; Debbie Downers; long-distance (more than a 45-minute mid-point)

Above All: If you agree that safety, trust, and discretion are the most important parts of this endeavor, we will get along well.

I am a firm believer that our affair will be a waste of time if we don’t have a genuine connection. I don’t want a ONS or FWB. I’m not a fucking frat boy. If you can’t talk to me about your passions or current events or what book you’re reading, this won’t work.

I want to talk to you daily. I want our affair to enrich your life. That’s the purpose of this—to make each other’s lives a little sweeter, like a scoop of ice cream on top of apple pie.

About me: 36, married long enough, father, professional, clean cut, good schools. I cook, I clean, I workout, and I read in my spare time. I’m 5’10” with a runner’s build, strawberry blonde hair, and a handsome face.