Writing this from my tub with the help of my vape pen. I jammed (wrenched? Racked? I don’t know it hurts) my knee yesterday taking my kids out snow tubing. So I sit here. Unsatisfied. In a broken marriage. Touch starved. Uncertain for the future. With Bob Dylan rattling around in my head when all else is finally quiet. How appropriate that it’s Tangled up in Blue.

I’m actually feeling mildly enthused for 2025. Not because of impending national political changes. I’m an apathetic dyed in the wool dem for sure. But on a personal level. I’ve spent a lot of time living my life and being unhappy with how things have turned out. A new year is a reminder that if I want different outcomes I need to make different choices. Such as not denying my needs. Or admitting my own shortcomings and doing something about it, rather than ignore or delay.

If I’m not the person I present to the world, the happy go lucky boring suburban dad who has it all together, then who am I? I guess I get to decide. What to keep. What to shed. What to explore and engage with.

When the kids go back to school on Monday I’ll have to go back to work (been on vacation the last two weeks at home). This will be a return to our routine. But I want some things to be different. I want to wake up feeling hopeful and determined. Maybe I should go to sleep at a decent hour …?🤔 I want to remember that I love myself. Even if the woman I live with doesn’t. I want to remember what is important. I want to give my time to others. And still keep some for myself. I’m worth it. I deserve it. And doggone it, people like me.

I’m not sure who this post would be for. But if it’s you, you should let me know. If not but you want to throw me some validation you can just send me the words “hot dog” - I promise to write back “hamburger”, and then nothing else (aka I’ll leave you alone 🤣). Enjoy your “bathtime” everyone. 😉