Since, now I have your attention, let’s get one thing straight: I’m not here for a fleeting rendezvous followed by an awkward escape (“You mean, like, hiding in the trunk of a car?”) and then ghosting you faster than you can say “I’m never doing this again.”

I’m all about finding someone local, but if you’re from a different time zone and can handle a long-distance flirtation that could eventually lead to an in-person encounter (with some top-notch, no-holds-barred fun, obviously—I know you're thinking it), then let's chat. I believe in building a connection and trust before we start peeling off layers and getting down to the good stuff.

How about we kick things off with a beer and pizza after work? Maybe a little smooching to remind us of our teenage years?

A bit about me: I’m 43 (soon to be 44), reasonably fit (no NFL contract on the horizon, but I can still sprint like I’m being chased by a bear). I’m into sports, movies, and hanging out with my kids. And just to clear the air—if things don’t work out, I promise I won’t ghost you. After all, feelings are a thing, right?

Here’s what I’m hoping for in you: You’re smart, mature, and know how to keep things playful. You don’t take yourself too seriously but are also not the type to unleash a belch during the quiet parts of a movie. Self-respect is key (self-loathing is so last season), and while I appreciate a well-maintained personal hygiene routine, if it takes you more than 15 minutes to get ready because you’re busy layering on every possible kind of liner, I might just head to a barcade instead. A ponytail and a genuine smile will do just fine.

If this sounds like your kind of fun, shoot me a PM! Tell me a bit about yourself, your age, and what you’re looking for. Thanks for reading, and even if this isn’t your cup of tea, I hope it made you smile.