We just wrapped our holiday party and I’ve probably had too much mulled wine, but I just have to say – I have SO … MUCH … BUNDT … CAKE! When did this become a thing? Bringing bundt cake as a host gift? OK … don’t answer that. Yes, I know it’s been a thing since Ozzie and Harriet. Let me rephrase … when did this become a thing … for MY SOCIAL CIRCLE? We used to bring cheap beer. Then later, expensive beer. Then later, cheap wine. Then later, expensive wine. When did I become the guy who my friends thought, “Hey, you know what he would like? Five fucking Bundt cakes, that’s what he’d really like!”

So here I am, staring at 5 fucking Bundt cakes. What do I do with all this? And before you say, “Eat the Bundt cakes, Dumbass!” I’d just like to say that there is enough sugar here to put Buddy the Elf into a coma. These 5 circular bastards put the “O” in “Hypoooooglycemia”. There’s confectionary sugar, there’s a sugary glaze, there’s chocolate, there’s sprinkles, and … oh god … so much lemon zest!

And Bundt cakes – why are they a thing? Just why? Did some German person just wake up one day and say, “You know what would be great? A cake with a big ol’ hole in it!” ??? And then did they spend the next six weeks fabricating a half-toroidal baking pan? Just giggling the whole time in anticipation of Helga’s inevitable “Vaht eez thees?” reaction at the Great Krampusfest Bake-Off?

Did I mention I’ve had too much wine? May you receive all of Krampus’ blessings if you’re still reading.

When I’m not schnockered on Christmas spirits and waxing philosophical about my aging friends, I’m a 52 year old professional who travels a lot for work. . I’m a decent husband and a great co-parent, but as you might imagine, there are things missing in my marriage. Quite the metaphor for a Bundt cake, I know. Why do you think I’m writing a “hole” post about circular treats? Other factoids - I’m 6’0” and fairly fit – not “bulky” muscular but more of a runner’s physique. Check back in with me after I consume this metric shit ton of confections. Facial-wise, I’m sorta’ Better Call Saul-ish / Bob Odenkirk-y looking.

And you, my Void Filling Friend, are intelligent, witty, and full of humor. Maybe you’re left leaning politically. I’m flexible on most things but find myself being decreasingly less so in this department given where we’re at these days. People say you’re pretty. You can be fit or on the proportional spectrum of carb lovers. I actually enjoy a little softness to the touch. Life is too short not to eat the damn dessert! So maybe we motivate each other to get to the gym or find creative ways to burn off the sweets.

Finally, I live in AZ and know this will likely be long distance. But I have a strong preference to find someone who is interested in meeting in-person someday to enjoy all the metaphorical desserts. If you live near a major metropolitan area, I might have opportunities to travel there. So please be open to this possibility if the ingredients combine properly.

So does this sound tasty? If so, come and take a bite because I’ve got SO … MUCH … BUNDT … CAKE!!!