People only come to a place like this for a handful of reasons. Whether it’s the chemistry you once had that felt like fire is now cold as ice. The passion and excitement, which has now faded away in to nothingness only to be replaced by boring and mundane daily Text messages and conversations. Or maybe it’s your sex life that has become so uneventful and dull that it feels more like a chore than enjoyment.

With that being said I could start this post off like some other people. I could sit here and complain about how lonely and sex deprived i am. Or I could brag about how big my Johnson is and what I’d do to you and feed you full of shit about what your missing blah, blah, blah, blah. Just like a power tool you know the drill read, scroll, laugh, side eye, say WTF a few times repeat… Nah I’m not gonna do that, it’s boring and predictable. Instead I’m gonna put what I can offer you and add a little humor. After all that’s why you’re reading this. You want to know what I bring to the table, it’s a fact. Let’s flip the script and get in to this novel shall we.

What do I offer and what do I bring to the table? besides a manly strut endless banter tons of laughs.

Honesty, Well first off i will be honest, probably to a fault. Yea zip it! don’t laugh too hard after all your here right? We’ve all met shady people living this lifestyle. Honesty seems a bit counterintuitive to what we are doing here. I know I know honesty in an affair? You’re probably thinking this effin man right here is on crack. Psst I’m not. But seriously if you’re gonna have an affair you absolutely need to be honest. Honest in what you want, honest about boundaries how you expect to be treated ect., honest in what this is and where you stand. These types of relationships need to be defined so you know what to expect. After all this is an adult subject that requires an adult conversation and lots of communication. With that being said self reflection is important as well. Just because affairs are shady by nature doesn’t mean we have to lose all morality.

Trust, haha keep chuckling short stuff. Maybe your tall idk. Think about we are doing here, does that not involve trust? If this goes sideways it could cost us both tremendously. How about being discreet? Loose lips sink ships.. the ones on your face. Well the other set could too. Both sets should be tight lipped. With that being said, you also need to trust they have your best interests at heart. It’s a fact people are selfish and narcissistic not everyone will. I always have my AP’s best interests at heart and would never compromise that. I also expect the same.

Respect that’s self explanatory but people screw that up daily here. I don’t send unsolicited d1ck pics nor 200 messages blowing up your phone cuz you didn’t respond right away. Yea it’s a thing apparently. . Respecting boundaries is important. I will never ask anything of anyone I will not do my self. Different people have different comfort levels and I respect that. Also don’t ask for nudes and not be willing to do the same in return. Respect goes both ways. You’re a person not an object to be conquered and owned. With that being said I look at the human aspect rather than to objectify. I’m not looking for a conquest just something deeper.

Loyalty, I’m sure you’re thinking this dudes a flipping trip. You may be asking yourself did he eat lead paint chips as a kid, Maybe, so what if I did I made it this far.. barely but still…What do I mean by that. Well if I’m with you then im with you. I don’t want a one night stand nor 5 side chicks. Or a chic with 5 side dudes. You know the saying about throwing a hotdog down a hallway. No one likes that.. besides it’s just ewww. So if we go down this road i will focus on you that’s it, long term is the goal. I’m picky who i sleep with, i have to be. I’m DDF and want to keep it that way. Besides that no one has time for all that bullcrap as time is the most expensive thing we have to invest once spent, you can never get it back. So in a way we are all investors and I choose to invest wisely. I settled in my relationship I won’t settle in my affair. I’d rather find the right one then one right now. I’m patient not desperate.

What am I looking for?

I’m looking for a long term exclusive FWB/Girlfriend type Situation. Who is an effective communicator and great conversationalist. Ideally you’d live CLOSE to where I am and be willing to split the commute if not local. As in I’ll travel if you do 50/50 is fair. My limit is about 2ish hrs unless you like to travel. After all I’d love to meet you and hangout, isn’t that why we’re here?

About you.

Intelligent, independent, smart ass, funny, nerdy, Witty, confident, secure, excellent communicator, and loves to talk/text/faceTime a lot! You know the type that never shuts up? Have you been told that? I love that type. I offer far more then the typical 9-5 B.S. you see here. I’m available almost anytime test me and find out, certain restrictions do apply. Im attracted to the athletic/normal/curvy body type. Love fake lashes and nails. Do you need them? No. I’m such a sucker for doe or Almond shaped eyes and a great big smile. Can you speak with only your eyes without moving your mouth? If you can I’m screwed. Those that can know exactly what I mean. So so screwed.. it’s pretty obvious I love eyes. Those are the first things I notice then hair, lips ect. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY..Also smell good and no hairy feet. If they are shave them. We all love slippers just not that kind. PERSONALITY is the most important but there has to be a certain level of physical attraction as well. Who are we kidding, Shallow? Maybe. We all are and we all have a type. I spend a fare amount of time in the gym to look a certain way and I like the same. Just take Pride in your appearance and confidence is extremely sexy.

About me.

I speak fluent sarcasm, silliness, nonsense, girl math and target. What a catch right? Modest as well haha. As far as my looks go for all you pervs. Id be considered attractive depending on your type.. My build more on the muscular side no dad bod here. I’m told I’m a snack I’d say more like a full course meal. I can dress up or down for any occasion. Eyes blue, hair dirty blonde short, beard and tattooed and very well groomed. You could say the bad boy look With the IDGAF attitude and the biggest heart, you will ever find. I wear my heart on my sleeve you’ll always know where you stand. I have most my hair and a mouth full of teeth. Height 5’10 yea yea not 6ft but Owell. People put my age around early 40s. Am I a perfect 10 hell no! Am I everyone’s type ? Nope, I’m 100% okay with that. After all we all have a type that includes you.

When replying

Also tell me a little about yourself. Read this part again if necessary. Age, location, Hobbies, Also a brief description of yourself, be unique. Don’t reply with HI… or Hey. Thats just lazy and mindless. Set a tone for future conversations. I prefer text over app communication. I handle my business like an adult you should as well. Also be prepared to send a photo early on.

                            ^^important^^

I know what I’m looking for is rare. I’m very picky on who I will invest in, i can afford to be. Im a man who knows exactly what he brings to the table. I will never ask anything from you I can’t deliver my self. Point blank.. I can deliver.. Can you?