One: he just Forces it in!

You came for the punch line, why not stay for the rest of the post?

What should you know about me before you decide to spend your valuable time with me? Well, I’ve got dad jokes for days. That’s not just because I’m a dad; I started working on my repertoire of dry, cheesy humor when I was but a wee lad. I’ll make you laugh, and I’ll probably make you roll your eyes, too. But there are only two kinds of people in the world: people who admit they love stupid jokes, and dirty rotten liars!

I’m also a big nerd. No, I don’t wear a pocket protector and grease my hair. That’s how the 80s depicted nerds, and it’s a hurtful caricature. I’m the kind of nerd who knows as much about Star Wars as Excel, which is to say a lot… an embarrassing amount. I love good storytelling, whether it’s a movie, a cinematic universe, or a book series. I think video games are the most underrated storytelling medium. I’ll spend an insane amount of time exploring an open world, looking for every trophy and secret to be found.

Don’t let the nerdiness fool you, though. I also love the outdoors! I like being outside almost as much as I love a good procedural crime show. Swimming, walking in the woods, stopping to smell the wildflowers - being in nature makes me feel more at peace than anything else. The thing is, I’m clumsy, so sometimes the outdoors and I don’t mix. But I play through the pain because I love it. I work in a professional field, and I really enjoy my career a lot.

I’m here because I’d like to bring all my nerdy, clumsy, outdoor-loving ways to someone special. I’m married (did you see that mods? I’M MARRIED!), but there are a lot of things missing. Maybe you know the feeling. I’m not looking to change my situation (ugh! I said the thing) and I don’t want you to change yours either. But I think it’s possible we can both find someone that can meet our needs and fill in our gaps. Maybe it’s you and me. We’ll never know if we don’t try!

As far as the more boring details go: - I’m 5’11” tall - Brown hair - Blue eyes - Built like a cuddly teddy bear - Size 11 shoe - 3 tattoos - Mature, professional adult with a career - I’m not a noob in the world of affairing, but I’m also not Captain Kirk-ing with everyone I meet - I love bullet pointed lists!

I know what you’re thinking: “This guy’s a catch; should I message him?” Umm… yes! Just do it. Right now. No? You want to know what I’m looking for? Alright, well here’s the type of woman I’m looking for: - Yay! Another bullet pointed list! - Have a kind heart - Have a sense of humor (it doesn’t matter what kind as long as you like to laugh) - Be a frequent texter and avid communicator - Be between 28 and 45 (this isn’t a hard and fast rule; it’s like The Pirate Code: they’re more like guidelines) - Be open to meeting in person someday, if the fates allow

“But wait”, you say. “You didn’t say anything about how I look!” Very perceptive of you, ma’am. Yes, I want to find someone who’s willing to meet me in person someday. Yes, I’d love to be able to sit across from you while we sip coffee someplace safe. Yes, I want to meet someone who wants (needs?) to “do the dirty”. But I want to get to know you first. I think real beauty comes from within, so let’s start there. Let’s build a connection! We can trade pictures whenever, but I don’t care what size your jeans are or what store you buy your underwear from… as long as you don’t get them at yard sales. That’s kinda gross. The underwear, not the jeans. Yard sale jeans might be OK. I digress… I want to get to know each other, then see where we want things to go.

You made it all the way to the finish line? Great job! Here’s a bonus joke:

How many Sith does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None; they like things on the Dark Side 🤣🤣🤣

Now, let’s chat! I can’t wait to hear from all three of you who read my post!