It's almost Christmas and wouldn't it be nice to look at a little red message that day from someone that desires you? Hopefully, not just the Reddit Merry Christmas message.

Who I am:

• Almost middle aged dad with a massive mortgage in the 2nd most expensive city in the US
• I pay off this massive mortgage by staring at not two, but THREE monitors. Although reddit usually takes up the third monitor.
• Witty and flirty in unequal amounts
• I have either a 4 pack, or a one pack. It really depends on the lighting and the # of double doubles I've eaten.
• Answers "Where are you from?" with "Bayyyyyyy Areaaaaaaaa" when a non asian person asks me that question. Answers "Shi Chuan" when an Asian person asks me.

Who you are:

• Less than a 6 on the Crazy Axis on the Hot/Crazy Matrix. No Tiffanys please.
• Willing to text while driving because I will.
• Ideally, likes to drink Whiskey. But it's not a requirement. Mcallan 12-18 will do. 25...if you become the one.
• Can do 10 pullups. Just kidding, cause that's actually pretty fucking hard. Staying fit is a plus though.
• Narcissistic confidence in your looks, but without the narcissism.

What we're going to do:

• Chat on a regular to semi regular basis during work hours and while we're driving.
• Get used to each others presence.
• Low-key flirt and feel each other out.
• Exchange pictures of ourselves when we were 21 and say it was last week.
• As the bond grows, we become more and more stressed about the concept of being ghosted
• Eventually we both spiral into paranoid examination of all messages for hidden meanings and ulterior motives
• If somehow we get past all those barriers, and the chemistry is right, we start an intoxicating affair with mind blowing sex.

If this sounds like what you're looking for shoot me a message!