I am hoping the title attracts people who enjoy the wordplay more than the sentiment. I am not that single-minded. (I can hold like three more in my head, if I try real hard.)

Anyway, I'm looking for a cool mistress, a long-term affair, a sex-obsessed girl-friend. Not a fling, not a booty call. Not a texting buddy,

I want you to be cute, not too hot, not too obsessed with your shape that you can't enjoy a hamburger. Not very young. Have a few years on you. I do enjoy boobs and legs.

I want you to have hobbies you love. You don't have to be good at them, but you have to do something you think is fun and exciting. Be able to hold a conversation, and compare books, and change a tire if you absolutely had to. Have your shit together, financially and emotionally. If you snort-laughed at my terrible title, you are already winning.

I want you to be a little obsessed with sex. It is a natural zesty enterprise.

Let's be open about the sex we have with our partners/spouses. Moreover, we celebrate and are excited by each other's successes. When I describe, in detail, how I made my wife come by only licking her nipples while my hand was around her throat? You demand a high-five because that's cool!

You find a clip of something too hot that you have to jill off? You send it to me. Or better, you save it and later when we are together, we masturbate together, hip to hip on the sofa, excited by it and each other.

You can't wait to tell me about how you got your husband/boyfriend/partner off while he was driving and on the phone. High five, girl!

We dare each other into better, awesome-er sex and relationships with our partners.

As for sex and us, the most important thing is discretion; to the world, we appear to be just pals. Second most important is enthusiasm.

It would be nice if you have an oral fixation. You wonder what my fingertips taste like today and you aren't afraid to take my hand off your thigh at lunch and just suck on them for a little bit.

Start a chat and tell me your favorite vegetable. It better not be fennel, you monster.