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Picture this: a tall, bearded gentleman who channels the smooth swag of David Duchovny, minus the alien conspiracies and good looks (or maybe not, who knows?). I'm on the hunt for a part time partner in crime—a daring lady who wants to dive into some kinky, no-strings-attached fun and whatever else comes our way.
Here's a little sneak peek into what I bring to the table:
Height: Tall enough at 6'4 to reach the top shelf, just in case you need a hand grabbing that cookie jar or bottle of whiskey.
Facial Hair: A beard that would make even the most envious lumberjack tip his hat, but not really.
Endowment: Well, let's just say there's a lot to unwrap in this package. Size queens shouldn't be too disappointed but to each their own.
Body Type: Embracing the dad bod with pride—think cozy, not chiseled. But at least I keep active and played sports in college. That counts for something, right?!
Humor: A dark sense of humor that's as quick as it is sharp. I promise to keep you laughing, even if it's mostly at my own expense.
Wittiness: Quick-witted like a fox, or at least like a very clever raccoon or some shit.
General Fuckery: I live for the chaos and the unpredictable. Life's too short to take things too seriously, right? I've learned over the years it's much more fun to live life this way instead of constantly worrying about the little things and everything else life constantly throws at us.
If you're intrigued and ready to indulge in some spontaneous fun with a dude who's probably a 5 on his best day, slide into the DMs. Let's see where this ride can take us. Bonus points if you're married, attached, or taken because yeah I'm also an asshole.
P.S. Must appreciate sarcasm and the occasional pun. Because life is just better that way.
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