Are you stuck at work, inside the house or trapped in a basement with great wifi? Well then you’re in luck. I’ll keep you company until you’re off, the weather improves or you just have to get out of the house, or you have finally picked the lock to the door of the bunker you were suckered into because “free Christmas decor” was written on the outside of the door and you couldn’t help it because you decorate 75 days before Christmas! Let’s call it a lesson learned and move on.

I’m a great pocket friend. I don’t judge, will listen and bullshit with you until your heart is content. I’m not clingy unless you want me to be. I assume a Dom role pretty early on but can also keep it pretty neutral. I’m what happens if you put jelly beans in your pocket and leave them there. I turn into the perfect flavor.

Me: I do impressions, use Gifs and my meme game is pretty dope. I reference Helen Keller…a lot and have a thing for midgets. If you’re lucky, I’ll put the two together and n the same line and when you read the comment, you’ll actually LOL.

You: Must be able to laugh, not be into bashing your spouse and like beards. You must have a full head of hair and all your original teeth…Workout or on yourself a few days a week. Let’s not settle for mom and dad bods as the new norm. Healthy bodies espouse healthy minds and bettering ourselves simply, makes us happier.

Us: We mold together like melted jelly beans and want to know more. Our marriages are good to great but missing something. DB’s are okay, but again, no bashing. Let’s share some funny stories about past experiences on here or in life.

If you act now, I’ll throw in a picture early on. If I’m not your type, please do give me an explanation. I won’t fight you on it. In fact? I’ll appreciate it and thank you for it. I just don’t like being told “you’re not my type”. The Irish in me over analyzes everything. That sucks. I promise, I’ll provide you the same insight. At the same time, we can still bullshit and become friends because ugly/funny friends are usually the best kind! Not saying I’m ugly but I’ve had a few lights turned off a time or two. One had the Clapper…needless to say, the gourd kept coming back on and going off…if you know what I mean…because she would clap…and then I would clap…you thought I meant the other type of clapping! See?! I told you you’d laugh. 🗣️🎵Clap on, Clap off…the Clapper!🎵🫠🥁