Hello! I am looking for a long-term, exclusive, emotional connection with someone who I would eventually like to consider my secret boyfriend (providing we chat for a bit and meet up and there is mutual chemistry). A confidante who I can kiss. A lover who I can laugh with. Really just a Morticia looking for her Gomez in the midst of spooky season. 

Sound interesting? Send me a message telling me a little bit about you (location, relationship status, what you look like, what you're looking for in an AP, hobbies/interests, etc.). Low effort intro messages like "hey" and "wats up" will be ignored. I've given you a decent piece of me in this ad and I need to get a sense of who you are in your first message in order to know if this will work.

Who I Am

• 34, short (5'0"), chubby (150lbs), long brown hair, big brown eyes, and a lovely smile.
• Located in Orange County, but travel solo to Los Angeles for work pretty often.
• Married. No kids, but one amazing pup who is practically like my kid.
• A music lover with over 40 meticulously curated Spotify playlists for just about every mood. My official love language is sharing songs.
• A latina who can't speak spanish and hates cilantro. Lo siento.
• An ambitious professional who is passionate about what they do.
• Someone with a surplus of memes on their phone waiting to be expertly deployed at just the right moment for maximum laughs.
• A nerd who loves to geek out on anime, board games, Legos, fantasy/sci-fi shows, and YouTube video essays about social issues.

Who You Are (hopefully)

• In the age range of 30-45.
• In a long-term relationship or married like myself.
• Have had an AP before and not new to the affair world.
• A great texter who can hold meaningful conversations, is skilled in the art of banter, and actually has time to message throughout the day. Not interested if you are someone who has to go dark on nights and weekends or other long periods of time.
• Funny. Like Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Always Sunny in Philadelphia funny--someone who can laugh at the absurdities of life. Humor is extremely important to me. Consider me the president of Silly Goose University.
• A bit of a nerd and/or weirdo. If you geek out about things or have a passion for something on the nerdy side, I want to hear about it. Chances are you're my kind of person.
• A fellow music lover. I have a soft spot for music hipsters who can introduce me to new and obscure artists. Tell me if concerts are your happy place.
• Somewhat local to me or flexible enough to be able to travel regularly. I am terrible at long distance and am looking for an IRL connection.
• An emotionally intelligent open book who is deeply curious about others and who is willing to talk about anything and everything (especially music and film). Bonus points if you go straight for the deep questions like I do.
• Willing to exchange photos early to establish mutual attraction. SFW photos in intro messages always get my attention faster.