Welcome to my ad! I trust that you’ll read this post in its entirety before clicking on that profile button and sending me a message. I’m very hesitantly dipping a toe back into these waters, looking for some extra curricular fulfillment in a world that has been full of disappointment. But deep down inside, there’s a little bit of hope left.

Thinking of responding? Let’s review a small sample of my most recent Yelp reviews…all based on real comments from former APs or pAPs:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “Beautiful, intelligent, kind, and (sometimes) sweet. Even though she hasn’t seen some of the best movies ever made.”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “Has a generous heart and kind soul. Honest and straightforward. Bonus: great legs!”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “Pretty eyes, a killer smile, and looks great in a bubble bath.”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “She was everything I ever wanted but I let my own insecurities get in the way. My loss is your gain.”

More about me, in no particular order: -Late 30s -Not HWP…I think this is the part where I lie and say “but I’m working on it.” A more appropriate response is “take it or leave it.” Totally cool if that’s not your jam. -Overworked rising professional who equal parts loves her job but is constantly saying “I need a vacation.” -Music lover, hence the well-deserved movie shade above. -Big fan of the Oxford comma and knows how to properly use a semi-colon -Returns grocery carts because I can’t live with the guilt if I don’t -Self-assured, confident, and gutsy -Will not respond if it’s obvious you didn’t read this post in its entirety

What I’m looking for in you, in no particular order: -Smart, funny, & can keep a good convo going -Honest…aside from the obvious -Not a jackass -Thinks consent is sexy and understands how it works (i.e. NO unsolicited dick pics) -Has ambitions in life, maybe even achieved a few already -Patient for many reasons -Not afraid of a confident woman -Ideally mid-40s to late 50s, but open to other offers
-Within 200-300 miles of East TN or in the area often -Has the financial means to have an affair -Actually read this entire post. Maybe even twice.

Together, in no particular order: -Totally honest and straightforward interactions from the first message on -Low key, no pressure (aka not trying too hard) -Building genuine connection over time. (If you’re looking for a hookup, keep it moving.) -Neither one looking to fall in love but still emotionally available -Both not needing the other for some kind of stability in life (mental or otherwise) -Willing to give equal amounts of effort -Appreciate solid OPSEC

Disclaimer: If you’ve read this far, your opening message doesn’t have to be eligible for the “Best Reddit Response Hall of Fame.” Just be yourself. But in the interest of time and preserving my sanity, it needs to be more than “hey, how are you?” and demonstrate that you read the whole message in order to get a response.