I'm sitting here asking myself how did I get here... Hubs suprised me with my stool he made for me and it surpassed my expectations. I am in awe of it and him and it's the best thing I've ever had made for me. I'm so grateful and so happy, I swear I am. But that's not what has me in tears. It's the fact that he loves me. A literal broken and destroyed and totally imperfect me. He makes this masterpiece for me when there was a man who literally left me for dead when he assaulted me one cold January night as I walked home from work. That man killed me, just my body refused to go. Now, here is my husband, a man who loves me and he doesn't deserve me. He deserves someone who is all there and I'm not and I don't know what to do. I love him with all that's left of me but he deserves more than what I am and what I have to offer. I can never love him as much as he loves me and I feel so badly. I'm too broken to be loved so deeply. Yet here I sit and I can't reconcile in myself how to let go of the past and enjoy being loved because this dark cloud sits on me no matter what I do. I feel guilty hecause I know he loves me so much and I can't love him as much because of what happened to me. People like me don't get loved or happy endings. I just don't want to feel guilty anymore. I'm too destroyed to be loved and he deserves to be loved as much as he loves. I don't know what to do and it's destroying me.