“I want you to die” This is what my autistic brother (9M) said to me just now (16F).

It’s fucking 11pm and this stupid bastard won’t shut up and stop squealing and mumbling and drawing obscene shit on his whiteboard and throwing the markers around.

His room is right next to mine and I can hear everything CRYSTAL CLEAR. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING NIGHT. This bag of cow dung doesn’t go to sleep until 12 and I have to deal with it every night.

It’s not only night time either. From the moment he gets home from school it’s just constant noise. This high pitched whining and burps and endless stupid and repetitive questions and death threats and “fuck” “fuck you” “I hate Jesus” “I hope you die” “sex” “my teacher is ugly. He finds the weirdest things funny like violence and death and food rotting and crucifixion (?? Wtf) and dwarfism will giggle nonstop and repeatedly ask questions about it. Not to mention my dad shouting and my mom screaming all the time too. It’s hell. I can’t focus on homework or anything at all and I’m on my phone all the time as a coping mechanism. It’s ruining myself to be honest.

I’m so pissed right now. It’s so unfair. I can’t even get a break at NIGHT. None of my friends know what it’s like. He ruined my childhood. He ruined the parents I could’ve had. He kicked me in the stomach twice today. He almost broke my door.

I’m so fucking sick of this. I’m so miserable. I’m borderline suicidal every fucking day.