it was only a month but everything was fucking amazing. I'm 19 and he's 21, we had lots in common, so much to talk about and bond over and we did. the chemistry was unbeatable, nobody has ever made me feel that way and he's said that too a bunch of times. we were in synch about everything until he confessed he started feeling avoidantly-attached. that's where i started panicking because i felt anxiously attached later on. i didn't tell him and continued to support him through his issues, which he clarified had nothing to do with me.

on a random sunday, we were on call and it was all normal. 15 minutes after laughing and talking, he suddenly goes, "i think you're much more invested than i am. i don't dislike spending time with you but i don't WANT to spend time with you. you're so good and you deserve someone better. i don't want to take you out on dates and spend that much energy on this. i'm not trying to be an asshole but i'm being honest." and the worst part is, he didn't even say he wanted to break up. amidst all this, he kept saying how much he liked me. i was trying to process all of this but since i've been in terrible relationships before, i didn't want to make it tough for myself either. so i went ahead and told him that i thought i deserved better too.

it's been a little more than a week. i unfollowed him everywhere, deleted his number and socials. i would even say that i haven't been BAWLING over this but ever so often i feel so sad about this. this man was the one who asked me to be his girlfriend first, he was the one who made me feel amazing, comfortable and loved. he provided me with so much security and comfort and all of a sudden, he takes it all fucking away. he didn't even feel the need to talk face-to-face about this? he's genuinely the one guy who knows most of my childhood trauma and has kissed all parts of my body. i'm thankful for the days we spent together but this feels unfair. i've spent some nights writing poems about him and trying to figure where something went wrong and i can't put my finger on it.

how do i move on from this?

PS: keep in mind, this guy stared into my eyes 2 days before the breakup and went, "you're so perfect. please stay with me."