I am 36. My girlfriend is 21. We have a two year old son.

I love my family and I want to make it "official". I want her to feel the comfort of knowing that I am invested in us permanently and I want my son to grow up in a home where we have taken that plunge and are as solid (from a symbolic pov) as we can be. I want him to have that confidence in his family unit.

With that said, weddings are so expensive. If I do this, I want to give her the whole experience. I want to buy her the big ring and I want to give her the big wedding with the big reception and the big honeymoon. By my calculations, I'm looking at around $50,000-$60,000 for the whole thing.

To me, it makes more sense financially to continue investing and pushing towards our real estate goals while continuing to work as an IT consultant to stack cash.

When we make this move, I want it to be everything she dreamed of and I don't want the budget to be an issue. I don't want us to be sacrificing something else for the sake of the wedding.

Still, I want to do it sooner than later so that my son grows up with us married and she knows, as we progress as a family in a financial sense and purchase a home together, etc..., that we're doing it as a family in the traditional eyes that she sees things through.

To be clear, I'd be happy unmarried forever. I know what she and my son mean to me. I just want to give them what I think would make them both happy in the long and short term.

So, the question is, how long do I wait? Do I postpone our greater financial goals for this? Do I get a less expensive ring that still holds the symbolism but doesn't break the bank? Is it ok to trim back her expectations around a wedding so that we can make long-lasting money decisions that benefit us financially? Or, should I work with her and suggest that we wait a few years until we have our financial goals met and then we take the plunge when my son is about 6 or so?