I am currently expecting a child with a man that I've known for 7 years in a romantic on-and-off again relationship.

When I asked him if he would like to be present at the birth, he told me he doesn't care and doesn't want involvement. When I conceived my baby, he knew I wanted to have a child, he knew I wasn't on birth control, and I asked him 3 times if he was sure he wanted to have sex. We went ahead.

I would like to encourage him to be present in the child's life.

It makes me incredibly sad that he is saying these things. Honestly, it seems like he just likes having sex without responsibility. For a long time we thought he might be infertile. At the beginning of the relationship we did try to have a kid together but it never happened.

I'm torn between just giving him distance and going no contact and letting him reach out if he wants to, and being more confrontational by saying something like "I think it's really important for you to be present in your child's life. I would strongly prefer that you meet him/her and spend some time with the baby. Otherwise, I will need to ask you to contribute in other ways like child support, and I really would prefer you giving emotional support rather than financial support."

To be honest, I don't want to ask for child support (and I feel strongly about this, because I earn many times more than he gets in a month). He's on benefits/welfare due to depression. I would only ask for child support if he refused to be a father figure at all, and I'm not even sure I would even ask for it.

Does anyone have any personal experience with one of the two options above?

The problem with approach #1 is that he may never become more responsible if no one challenges him. Memories that could've been made will be lost, and time will be lost.

The problem with #2 is that it's a little bit manipulative, it puts pressure on him, he may feel resentful, and all the unfortunate consequences of all those things.