I (20F) am near the end of my rope with my boyfriend (21M).

I don’t want this post to be super long, so I’m gonna keep it simple. Boyfriend goes to music school and sometimes has 10 hr days of just studying. This is 5 days a week and makes it hard for him to find time to work. Also having a hard time because we feel like the “weekend job” doesn’t really exist anymore. Especially during this pandemic.

Boyfriend cannot keep a job long. He deals with ADHD and was fired from his previous job (July) and quit his last job (September) due to scheduling conflicts with school. He is notorious with job hopping and has had 5 jobs this year alone. These are minimum wage jobs, so he barely has enough to stay afloat and save. I acknowledge that this is also a systemic issue, but I’m sick of the moping and excuses.

I am currently making nearly triple what he makes at a remote job. I am a full-time student as well, but I make it work. I’m getting tired of not getting to go out and when we do always having to pay for him because he can’t afford it. On my birthday I cried because I just wanted to be spoiled and have him pay for the dinner and movie… But nope, I paid for both. Not to mention he likes to eat and cook with the food I’ve purchased. Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but when he’s not really giving me anything in exchange (like a fair, equal relationship would) I grow resentful.

Whenever I ask him to look for jobs, he’ll either forget, apply for a few and then go days without applying again, or get sad and pitiful and defensive.

I do sympathize with him because he’s paying for school all by himself. I have the support of my mother and I am also attending college on a full ride and merit-based grants. But im getting tired of feeling like I’m on house arrest because my partner is bad with money.

But at the same time I feel like I might be privileged and just being too hard on him. He’s 21 and his schedule is jam packed. He’s just going through the stages of being a broke college kid, right?

I’m sick of feeling like the man and the provider in this relationship. I understand that relationships have ups and downs, but I feel like this is a precursor to what our future will look like if we stay together. Me being the breadwinner and having to constantly remind him and beg him to pay fucking rent and keep a job!

Do any of you have any advice or insight on what to do? I can also give more info on request but for now I’m lazy and it’s late. Thanks.

tl;dr: Boyfriend’s bad with money and keeping a steady job (ADHD), I make decent money, and it’s putting a strain on our relationship.