Over the past month, I've been having a pretty horrible issue - basically, my bowel movements are accompanied with pretty horrible pain and lots of blood. Not just on toilet paper or streaked on the sides, but in the bowl and at times splattered on the sides. I went to a doctor about it, and he was not concerned. Considering I am having constipation and large stools, and not any pain in the abdomen, it's unlikely it's an issue like Crohn's or ulcerative colitis or something like that. He's a gastroenterologist, so his most of his concern is what's going a little further up in the GI tract rather than the area that seems to be affected here, aka my anus. I'm going to try to see if I can get a referral to a colorectal surgeon tomorrow as they're more equipped to deal with what's going on here.

I'm really really struggling with this mentally. I'm a HUGE hypochondriac, so this is really taking it's toll. The amount of terror I am experiencing when I poop is extreme, and the terrifying thing is that it's not unfounded. Looking down into the toilet to see a cloud of blood is an utterly panic-inducing experience. Pooping is just a painful and exhausting experience, and it feels like every movement has been too large. I don't know what to do here. The anxiety I have constantly about my next poop is oppressive. Remembering the pain and sweat and blood that goes into each one makes me so viscerally fearful. How are you supposed to go on normally when every poop is this way?

Does anybody have any advice they can offer? I know this is not something that most people can relate to, and I imagine this sounds pretty fucked up to those of you unfamiliar with this, and believe me, it's really fucked up experiencing it. I'm used to being healthy. Sure, I get worried that there's something wrong with me all of the time, but I'm used to those being far fetched hypochondria worries. I'm so tired of this.