I met the perfect guy last summer while partying and we ended up making out by the end of the night. We hung out a couple of times after that and I know it sounds cliche but he really was different from every other guy I know. He was respectful and extremely kind and I was terrified to mess things up with him. That led to me not making much of a move and he called me around Christmas asking if I was in town. I wasn’t and ended up being busy the next could times we tried to hang out. It just breaks my fucking heart that it was that close to Christmas and he was calling me of all fucking people to see what I was doing. Last time I spoke to him he was at the bar with his sister and told me to come chill with them. I didn’t end up going and called him a few more times after that, but he didn’t answer so I gave up on trying to see him.

he ended up killing himself about three weeks after the last time I called, but I didn’t find out until yesterday because I assumed he wasnt talking to me/keeping to himself during quarantine. I noticed his social media wasn’t changing or updating at all so I googled his name and his obituary came up.

he was the only guy I’ve ever really felt like this about because he was so fucking charming and kind. he was smart and knew what the fuck he was talking about when he spoke and I felt like we connected really well. I don’t know what to do because all of a sudden months of looking forward to talking to him again or seeing him again mean absolutely because I don’t get to. I feel selfish because he’s the one who died but I’m just thinking about what I’ll never get to do with him.

Any advice helps <3