Hello,

As a background, I am from Mexico and my family is very traditional. The type were mom's forgive their sons and husbands for their fuck ups but women are subjected to a double standard. I moved to the States when I was 16 and now I am 25. I live in Texas.

That being said, 9 months ago I started dating a man from rural Tennessee. He cool, but he is very blunt and has been honest about being a certain way in the past. I am very sorry for what I'm about to say, but I think of it as he used to be white trash. He has cleaned up (in all the sense of the word) and joined the military. He is big and boastful, loud and short tempered, but he has always treated me like a queen and we never fight. I strongly believe it is because we have a really good communication channel.

Now, the important part.

I have always felt a lot of control from my mom. I think she is okay, but throughout the years she has proven to have toxic behaviors that I am trying to counter now as an adult. Its kinda stupid of me, because I shouldn't be allowing her to affect me and control me the way she does even though I am an adult now, but its been so long that I just do it automatically.

My boyfriend has made a point to show that he and I are a team and has my back. Since he has been independent at a young age, he doesn't understands why I put up with it. He doesn't says anything in front of them, so at least he has found the patience to bite his tongue for my sake.

The issue is that I really don't know what's okay and what is not anymore, and that scares me.

I feel good standing up against my family, but then I feel guilt creeping up and I start wondering if I did the right decision or not. If I'm being disrespectful. My mom keeps suggesting that he is too big and since he is white (yes, she racist) he is going to hit me someday due his short temper, but I have no reason to believe he will except for what mom says. He keeps telling me not to allow what she says about me and us to affect the way I see things, but once again, I just don't know how. I feel bad because I am not standing up for us, but what if I'm wrong? What if he turns out being a bad person? As I said he does has a short temper and he has told me (although I have never confirmed) that he used to fight quite a lot and on purpose. But once again, he has never raised a finger against me or anyone for that matter and in fact pampers me quite a lot.

As you can see by the block of text, I am very disoriented and lost. I don't know what to believe anymore. I guess I just wanted someone to give me their thoughts on the situation. I considered telling my best friend, but she is really passive and probably will hear me only rant without adding anything about it.

If you got this far, thank you. I will take this down if necessary though.