I’ve struggled with some issues with my career for my entire life. Even in college, I struggled to commit to a major (I studied Media Art and minored in Theater/English). After I graduated, I didn’t know what I wanted to pursue full time, and worked a slew of odd jobs (an actor at a Renaissance Faire, at a bar, an internship at an online cooking school, a nanny, etc). I love to write and throughout all of these careers I was trying to build up my repertoire as a freelance writer, which I did. 

At 25, my main freelance client dropped me, and I took a job in TV/FIlm (it fell into my lap and I had always considered it as a career path, as I once wanted to be a TV writer). After that gig ended, I was offered a full-time job in content management and media w/ a former client and worked there for two years. Last June, they ended up letting go of my entire department, and I was unemployed. After job searching for 4 months, I was offered a gig in TV again, and took the opportunity because I had always considered jumping back in and *really* trying to be a TV writer. That’s where I am now and my contract ends in April. I’m also continuing to freelance write, and have a small handful of clients. The money is a nice addition to my measly TV hourly rate, but it wouldn’t be enough to be my only income by any means. 

Essentially, I’ve been on two different career paths: one in writing/content management, and one in TV and film. I sort of wish I hadn’t taken this job—it will be a huge gap in my resume and I don’t know if I actually want to deal with the long hours and crazy hustle forever, especially since there’s no guarantee I’ll actually “make it” in the entertainment industry. Most of the people I work with “LOVE THE BIZ” … and I don’t know if that’s me. 

I turn 30 this year and I’m so mad at myself for not picking and committing to a certain path but it’s been so hard for me to stay focused on one thing. I lack focus and discipline, but I work really, really hard. I’ve written plays, all of which have done okay but no crazy success.  I’ve applied for jobs in media/editorial but have barely gotten interviews. I started creative side projects, like blogs and websites, and then eventually lose steam. 

To make matters worse,  I’m experiencing jealousy over my friends who seem to have their lives together. Since they’ve been more focused than I have, they’re advancing further in their careers, making more money, and generally seem more successful. 

I wish I could narrow down and find some sot of direction, but it’s always been so hard for me to pick a path and stick to it. I know I love to write, and I’m good at writing, but I’m not sure where that will take me. I also love writing about relationships/love/sex, and have recently had a lot of success in that area… so I want to maybe continue with that, but I’m not sure how. I’m in therapy, but that only does so much.

I guess there are two questions here. One, what can I do for myself to find what it is I want to do w/ my career, and Two, how do I become more focused? I struggled with these same things at 24 and I don’t want to do it again in another 5 years.