I initially thought I'd post this in r/offmychest, but I do want insight or input from others, so I'm putting it here. I apologize to the community and mods if this isn't.. quite the right place.

I've been single and alone for nearly a year now, and it's slowly driving me to madness. I'm an introverted sort of person, so going out and meeting (cold approaching) people is not a skill that I have. I am utterly dependent on my friends, those few that I do have, to initiate social gatherings an bring other people into a place where I can meet them. I am torn between wanting to spend my time at home, alone, doing things at my own pace on my own time, and going out to surround myself with people and laughter.

I'm left with a "grass is greener" sort of situation: When I am at home, generally playing games on my computer, I feel guilty for engaging in antisocial behavior. When I am out, I fail to make connections with people, mostly hovering around people I already know, staying quiet and wishing I was at home gaming. It's frustrating because I wish my brain would simply choose one or the other, instead of always yearning for the one I'm not currently doing.

I can make connections with people. I typically ask people questions about themselves, which I've found is a really good way to get people to open up. I'll usually find out one of their interests and get them to explain it to me and build a conversation around discussing our interests. I feel like I'm a passing conversationalist, and most people who interact with me tend to say that I am charming, funny, sociable and generally enjoyable to be around.

The problem is the next phase: maintaining the connection. I have no idea how to do this. My default assumption when being around people is that they are busy people who don't like to be imposed upon. Which means I wait for them to talk to me, since that implies they wish to interact. Otherwise, I feel compelled to leave people alone, because I don't want to be obnoxious. The end result is I'm paralyzed with wanting to maintain a connection, but also to respect people's time and boundaries to the point where I simply fail to talk to people at all. Another component of this is the social contract: I don't want to put people in the position of having to say, "Eschew, you've been here long enough, time to go." No one likes doing that, so I try to spare my friends that burden, at a cost to me. I imagine this makes me seem distant or unapproachable.

A derivative of this is that I have no romantic opportunities at all. Yes, this is going to stray into "lonely neckbeard" territory. The only place I can really start on this is the fact that I haven't gotten laid in over a year now, and it makes me want to jump off a fucking bridge. I understand that my worth is more than just how much sex I get, but the absolute lack of intimate or even romantic partners has utterly ruined my self esteem and sense of self-worth, to say nothing of my libido. Given that my social opportnities are essentially nonexistent, this particular problem isn't going to be solved any time soon, and the end result is a lot of depression. I've reached the point where I had to give the keys to my gun locker to a trusted friend, since I didn't really trust myself around them. She's offered to give them back, but I'm not sure I'm out of the woods yet.

I have family near where I am, so I will not be spending my Christmas alone. However, the thought of spending Christmas with my parents, not because I want to, but because I literally have nothing else to choose from, kills me a little inside. What is also killing me is thinking about all the awesome parties and killer sex I could be having, but am not, because I have no idea how to social.

So, here's a list of questions that you may or may not have answers to:

• How do I maintain connections with people in the absence of any real common ground? How do I take whatever common interests do exist and form a relationship on them?
• How can I more effectively ustilize my existing acquaintances to better effect? What are things that have worked for you in the past?
• What do you do to keep yourself sane when you're in a massive dry spell with absolutely no end in sight? Besides endless masturbation.