Hi, all,

So I'm the new guy in the office, on probation for 6 months to see whether or not they want regularize or keep me. It's my first ever job, though 2 months in and I'm already feeling frustrated, worried, and scared.

But it's not because I'm not doing my job well. I understand that you're going to fail inevitably as you learn how to do your job. What I'm particularly frustrated and worried about are the things that go on behind the scenes, all the things that you "have to do" in order to get regularized, office secrets, and what my co-workers think about me.

For example, a lot of people have been telling me to make friends, or rather suck up, to the three bosses of the office or else I'll never get regularized. They say if these three people don't talk to you or don't joke around with you regularly, which is what happens to me, then that's bad or you're not making a good impression. They say you also have to drink a lot, or you'll be considered "weak" and "unfriendly."

But what if I'm quiet (and awkward) by nature? What if I just don't feel like talking to these certain people because there is nothing to talk about with them at the time? What if I'm also an athlete who competes at my sport? Does that mean I have to change who I am and do things just to please these people?

In the past, the answer has always been no, because in my head, and in my heart, I always stuck to who I was and did things that I really wanted to do, even if it meant that people would put me in a negative light. Why? Because I did not give a single fuck about what other people thought about me, I had goals to achieve.

But in this situation, I find myself conflicted. If before I did not give a fuck what other people thought about me, right now I think about it and worry constantly. I worry that my co-workers are inviting the other new people to things and not me. I worry about what they think about my being quiet. Et cetera, et cetera.

I kind of like (and need) my job and I would like the people if they didn't seem so cliquish and secretive. There are other things, but I think this explains the bulk of it. It may seem kind of petty, and I understand that office politics is a reality of life, but this is just really bugging me the wrong way and get me angry.

In this situation, should I give a fuck? If so, then how do I not?

Am I just overthinking or being too serious about it?

TL;DR Office requires me to do things I don't want to do and be someone who I'm not to keep my job and be liked by others, my gut says "I don't give a fuck" but I'm not sure if that's the right choice anymore.