Please let me know if this is okay to post here and I'll take it down if not! Context: My (26F) main issue with this guy I was seeing casually (and very on/off) is that, we've only done oral. We haven't had sex yet for other reasons (he wants to but he hasn't been very respectful for a couple different reasons, and I'm also scared of having sex with new people sometimes. He's definitely grown on me recently though). A couple weeks ago, I initiated meeting up 3 different times in just that 1 week alone, because I was lonely and bored and I love giving oral (it's been awhile since I had good sex). The 3rd time I initiated during that week, I was again just bored and lonely and I lowkey wanted to have actual sex at this point because I thought that since I already gave him oral, that I'd be cool with just going all the way now.

He said he was leaving town for a family emergency that night, so I didn't end up getting to see him. The next day, I thought about it and I decided I shouldn't go back on my boundaries for anyone. I'm usually really good about sticking to my boundaries but I was going to almost break it for him just because I was lonely and had nothing to do that night. I was upset at myself so I randomly decided to delete all my messages in our chat thread that day and then block him right after, in case he brought it up later (I didn't know what I'd say).

It's been a week and I feel bad. I'm not sure if he noticed I had blocked him (the chat looks glitchy) but I decided to unblock him yesterday. I wanna say something and I'm down to keep things how they were, but I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm gonna look super all over the place, any suggestions?