Hello, I am 21 from New Zealand. Highschool dropout, zero qualifications, minimal intelligence, still living with my mum. Burning through my savings like I've got a hole in my pocket, haven't worked in over 2 years, partner left me 6 months ago. I absolutely despise positivity with a passion, I hate being around others even my "friends" as I feel I have nothing beneficial to share. I have zero motivation, drive and discipline and heavily abused drugs (cocaine, MDMA, weed) from ages 16 to present. I have no memory left, I do not feel happy or sad and I genuinely do not care enough to try, I have failed everything I have ever done and don't have a single aspect about myself that I am proud to say I have. I have embarrassed myself with my ex trying to get her back but to no avail. I have never had a plan for life nor do I have the attention span to figure one out. I have been on and off anti depressants since 16 as well. All of my friends (even the stupid ones) are very successful already, married, business owners, passive incomes and investments etc. I don't know what to, the only semi plan I have is to do self euthanasia in Sweden once I have enough money to go. Any recommendations?