i am going to be brutally honest with my current situation. i no longer talk with a counselor or anyone for that matter about anything. This is mostly a last ditch effort in figuring out my life and what i should

do next because i am honestly at a loss. I've started over so many times that i dont have the energy to do it again just to lose it all again.

so i am 35 years old. a veteran. and a poly substance addict (meth and fentanyl)

i live alone 1000 miles from my hometown/state (where i really want to be)

i get paid $1890/mo through the VA

I recently received a notice that my landlord was suing me for 2 months of rent. prior to getting this notice however i went in to pay said back-rent with cash in hand and was told

they couldn't take it and that "the notice in the mail will explain it." The VA helps with housing since i was homeless at one point but i have not heard anything from them about it. my guess is at some point they will

evict me and i dont have the $ for lawyers to fight back. Landlord included false information in the report such as leaving me a 30 day notice at the door. However I have a camera that has recorded my front door for

months and have the video of the day this person says they left notices and it shows no one had come by or anything. yet, why would they believe me? They know i dont have the $ to fight it.

As of Friday my car was repo'd 2 days before i had the money to pay and prevent the repo. Now the price has double and I don't have the $ to get it and will likely lose it. My grandparents sent me 1000$ Saturday

to help but i didn't have the heart to tell them that it would be $2600 to get it out.

Now without a car i cannot go to get medication eevery other day at my clinic (methadone) meaning i will either start to kick it or find something to keep me from kicking it

bills backing up, family thinks im doing good. i stopped answering their calls and texts. i don't have the energy to explain it all to them and hear the bashing from some

of them as well..

my cat is likely the only thing keeping me from checking out for good.

i don't know what to do anymore. i literally just need someone to tell me what it is i need to do with an assurance that it will work out/ that it will be worth it because i keep reverting back to

the idea of cancelling my subscription. it didn't work out like i thought it would and ive seen a lot / done a lot before 35 anyways. i dont know what else to say. Not even sure what it is i want or what i am

hoping to get from this. I have no one else to vent/talk to so I've resorted to reddit..