In Sept 2022, I met my roommate for the first time (we will call him Steve). Steve and I quickly hit it off and within a couple months we became like best friends. From binge watching TV together - to deep late night personal conversations on vacations - we had each others backs and best interests at heart. In June 2023, he moved across the Atlantic to Europe.

We kept in touch and texted every other day if not daily including hour long phone calls and gaming sessions. He always kept bringing up the idea of visiting him and eventually we started planning in December 2023 and I booked the trip to visit him at the end of March 2024. My father passed in February 2024, one month before I was supposed to visit him. He was there for me and lended an ear for me during a difficult time.

I visited Steve as originally planned and we had a great… well I know I did at least. About halfway through the 10 day vacation, I started feeling like something was off. When visiting a new city, Steve and I wanted to see two different things so we agreed to solo travel for a few hours. Thought it was odd but there was no argument or anything. The following day, we had a small argument and difference of opinion on whether to go to the hotel or get food (this was late at night the suburbs of a foreign city). To me not a big argument or anything and it wasn’t like we were screaming at each other. We had fun the following day and traveled back to his house. The following day we hugged as I was due to fly back to the USA and said our goodbyes.

Steve flew back to the USA literally the following week for about 2 weeks. At first I thought he was gonna spend a couple nights with me. In the end, despite having public transport and was sharing a car and I offered to pick him up even just for a lunch - we didn’t even see each other. Thought it was odd and I was disappointed, but not a big deal.

Now for the rest of April and May in 2024, our conversations became weekly more than anything else and slowly became further and further apart. Eventually in June 2024, I got a text saying “I’ve decided to focus on myself so I do not want to talk. Maybe, some other time but not right now. I hope you understand.”

I replied basically saying “please take care of yourself and when you are ready to talk, you know how to reach me.”

I haven’t heard from him since that day. I sent a text in August trying to check in on him. No reply. Once in October, no reply. Once again earlier this week and this one hasn’t even been opened yet. I sent him the text earlier this week because I had a nightmare the day before in which I was thinking about him and that he was basically kidnapped in a hotel room and was calling to me for help and I was unavailable. I know its a stupid dream, but it gave me so much anxiety and I felt helpless.

Did I lose a friend? I keep thinking back to that argument I thought and viewed as nothing and wondered if that was it? I also came out as bisexual to him (never once flirted or did anything like that with him), which he seemed to accept a few weeks before he sent me that text in June. I just want my friend back as I miss talking with him so much and all the good times and laughs we had together. I know he has a job he is proud of and he has wanted to get his masters, but even still to not have the time to reply to me once in three months… idk. I miss my friend and want to know if everything is good, but at the same time a friendship is a two-way street and I can’t force a friendship with someone if they don’t want to be friends. Any thoughts?