I'm in a serious rut in my life where suicide is looking like the best option. I(24m) moved to Ohio after living in MI, got married to a psycho, I became homeless, worked my way out of homelessness, got myself an apartment in rural Ohio. I was doing fine, but then my car started having issues so I got into a payment at a buy here pay here, my plan was to live out of my car and I couldn't afford to pay that so it got Repoed(Dumb on my part)moved back to MI and broke my lease (LIKE AN IDIOT) so I'm likely screwed. Moved in with a friend who was kind enough to let me stay with him, but unfortunately due to my car being Repoed I couldn't go to work and he was already too kind to me. So I was forced to move back in with my narcissist mom who is negative and constantly puts me down, my "friends" as of recent have betrayed me, one friend I reconnected with used information against me and said the most vile shit to me.

Now, I understand I'm probably boned for the foreseeable future, and I take FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for this situation. I put myself in this situation and I have a serious problem with spending and not saving my money. I was even sleeping in a storage container illegally I have applied to HUNDREDS OF JOBS and called, I've been persistent, called. One said they were going to start me and apparently my age is holding something up in their computer system(FUCKING SERIOUSLY?), Another promised me they would start me and never heard back, one I walked an hour and a half and waited an hour in the freezing cold only to be told I didn't have proper dress code and I couldn't find my only pair of pants because my friend had bed bugs) I have a few interviews coming up and I'm looking to get my life back on track and get a career. This is my first real ADULT MOMENT.

For the first time in my life everything is starting to click with how far I've had my head up my ass and if I continue this path nobody will be willing to help me. I'm looking at possible garnishment of wages from the lease, I haven't changed my address due to not really having a permanent place to stay and I feel like, no I am a fucking user and a loser. I don't think I'll ever get a woman in my current circumstances and I wouldn't blame them. Actually, for the first time in my life I learned to appreciate what it means just to have a roof over your head and food in your belly. I'm not even focused on a woman, but obviously I want a healthy relationship and I know as of right now I'm in no position to be of any asset to anyone in a relationship. For the first time, I've learned to stop thinking about sex and wanting to find a girlfriend constantly. I'm a reasonably attractive young man and I'm extremely fit, I'm just an idiot and I don't have any skills outside of Boxing and History. I don't feel human most days. I've researched Job Corps, and other trade programs in my area. I don't have transportation at the minute, however I'm willing to walk. I don't need sympathy, I fully understand I put myself in this position. I just want someone to let me know it gets better from here that I will get back on my feet some day, that I'm actually worth being loved or being around and not seen as a burden. I'm usually stronger than this, but I'm about to give up. It just feels I have the worst luck of like this is punishment from God(if there is one) for being such a fuck up. I just want to feel alive again, like I'm worthy of existing.