Quick context.

My husband and I have been together for 16 years. I'm 34 and he's 41, we have 3 children together with one on the way. He works retail managment, I do evening cleaning in an office building. We have a 3 bedroom townhouse and a 2020 dodge caravan and for the most part, we survive. Our children's needs are met and besides being short for gas money a few days before payday, we are getting by.

Now I know that comparison is the killer of joy but I just can't help it..

All of our friends seem like they're absolutely thriving. A few of them were smart enough to go through secondary schooling, leading to higher paying jobs. Some of my girlfriends just don't work at all and do the SAH mom thing..

We are doing everything we possibly can to live a fullfilling life. We have happy children, a happy home but I just can't shake this yuck feeling. I wish we could do more. Earn more. Have jobs that were..important?

My husband has been applying to every city position he's qualified for, only to wake up and empty inbox week after week. He had applied for a few Police service positions, even passed the physical for one but was never called back. It's been a bit of a confidance killer.

I feel like both of us are getting too old to be able to turn anything around and it really bums me out. I feel like a peon. So small and insignificant. I hate this feeling.

Besides working out u til I drop to just get my head out of the gutter or medicating myself to the tits..I don't know what to do anymore.

Everything feels stagnant and I'm honestly just sick of scraping by. We budget and watch our wallets and still just come to short.

I just want to be on the same tier as our friends.

I don't know. I'm just tired.