I’m (M18) trying to come to terms with the fact that the reason I’m struggling to fully commit to a relationship with someone (M18) I deeply love and care about is because they’re trans. I understand how that sounds—it's ironic that I have strong feelings for them, yet their being trans is causing this internal conflict.

What confuses me is why I'm feeling this way, especially since I don’t have an issue with trans people in general. I respect them and believe they are just as normal as anyone else. Yet, despite this, it’s still affecting my ability to fully be with him, and I’m having trouble finding the right words to describe what’s going on in my head.

For context, I’ve had an on-and-off sexual relationship with a friend of mine, and over time I’ve developed real feelings for him. However, I’ve been stuck in this cycle where I fall deeply for him, then suddenly pull back and become cold. It’s been frustrating for him, and eventually, he stopped considering me as a potential romantic partner altogether. Now, we only have sex, and whenever he reminds me that a relationship won’t work between us, I feel dejected and hurt.

I recognize that my behavior has likely made him feel rejected, too, and that’s not fair. I hate that I’ve put him through that.

I’m not sure what to do with myself or how to deal with these conflicting feelings. Am I just struggling to accept this, or am I being transphobic without realizing it? And if that's the case, how do I fix this within myself?