20m here, the one thing I want more than anything is friends. I work full time, and it makes me sad to hear about my colleagues lives. They always have something to look forward to. I work everyday knowing I’ll be spending the night, and the night after, alone.

I’ve tried. I tried making friends in school, in college, and at every place I’ve worked since. I’ve tried dating apps to try and find someone special. I have anxiety and depression, but I can talk to people confidently and I treat people with respect. Yet no one ever calls me, or asks me to hang out.

I am a tattoo artist, which is a dope job. I thought it could lead to friendships. It hasn’t.

Every night now I just smoke a little weed and draw. Drawing feels like the only thing I can do. And I’ve been getting really good at it, but I would trade that skill in without a second thought if it meant I had friends.

I just want the pain to go away. I want a cat but I can’t have one. I want to know what it’s like to have people that want you around. I’ve missed out on the dumb antics of teenage friendships, now I’m missing out on having fun as a young adult. I wonder what it’s like to go on holiday with a group of friends, I fear I’ll never get to know.

I’ve been told to just ‘work on myself’. I’ve been working on myself my whole life, I’ve had nothing else to do.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that one day I’ll be surrounded by people who love me. However, the older I get the less likely that seems.

What steps can I take to find happiness when I feel this way? How can I be alone yet not feel lonely? I don’t see myself being alive for much longer if I can’t figure this out.