Hello world,

I'm a 28M IT Directory for a IT Company in San Francisco. I have been at my current job for about 10 years. I've been having issues with my partner (24F) recently but i'm not sure if i'm being a bad partner. We've been together for about 3 going on 4 years. When I met my partner she was working full time at a construction company and after getting to know her and her family for quite some time we began dating. At the begin it was lovely, but as time went on she changed.

I explained early on a few things I needed from my partner one being is someone who wants to chase our goals and is hard working because I know i am and i'm chasing goals. The only way to get those goals such as a home is to work hard or be lucky. She assured me she was but then she decided one day to stop going into work. She currently lives with parents which is also frustrating. I thought at first, it'll be alright she'll get another job but a year came and she still didn't get a job. She asked to move in with me which i felt was not fair to me so I sat down with her and explained that my partner not working put stress on me because it's up to me to fund our dates and adventures and that i didn't think it was fair to me and that i needed her to get a job. I had no problem her moving in if she was to help contribute because I honestly don't want to fund anyone's ride. She at first was offended but then agreed it was right.

I asked her what her 1 and 5 year plans was, she said she wasn't sure but she didn't want to work for anyone. So while i was caught of guard, I could understand if she was ambitious to start her own business - so then i asked "does that mean you want to start your own business? and if so doing what?" She said she wanted to be a baker and bake cakes and cookies - so I asked her what did she need from me to make that happen? She said funds, support, and help to get it off the ground. So over the course of the next few months, we began street vendors and we tried to sell her cookies and brownies every week. I never took a dime but i sure invested a lot of money into it. Generators, Oil, dough, fuel, sugar, etc. Eventually she found success selling donuts and for about a month she was doing well. Then she just stopped and said it was to much work. I understood because i was working full time and helping her with her business.

That was about a year and some change ago. Right after the street vending ended I sat with her and talked about what is our next move? Did she want to keep selling? I pitched the idea of going to near by coffee shops and dropping of samples of her desserts and maybe they'll do a weekly order? I'd even go in and drop them off. She made excuses for that - so then I said what about going back to school? she said that sounded good but she'd have to pay for classes. I then said maybe could apply for financial aid or maybe she could get a part time job and pay for her schooling. She blew that idea off, I asked what about selling on nextdoor or facebook? Creating a website? She liked that idea, so I surprised her and both her domain and webhosting service so she could work on her website. A few days in she gave up on designing the website so it is just sitting there but eventually for me I just became uninterested in her and in my mind was just exhausted of the excuses and her promising me she'll get a job.

At one point we were communicating about working and goals at least every week - followed with false promises. I felt at most times I didn't want to bring it up and part of me feels like I'm being harsh on her but at the same time - I don't want to fund her free ride while she just sits on the couch all day watching tiktoks. She lives at her parents - no car - no job and i feel wrong for feeling she's not enough for me. Am I being a bad partner?