TW: Suicide/Birth defects

TLDR: Baby had birth defects and my wife has a history of suicide. How can I better help her?

Hey folks,

My wife is pregnant 20 weeks along. We just had our ultrasound and found out there is a couple of birth defects. Av Canal defect and clubbed footing. They say it suggests genetic issues potentially serious or fatal. We just found all of this out, so will soon be doing testing and forming a plan with our doctor.

My wife has always struggled in the mental health department. She had a suicide attempt as a teenager. Struggled with alcoholism for a few years and is currently a little less than 1 year into sobriety. Since getting sober we've had 3 trips to the ER due to panic attacks/suicidal ideation/not feeling safe at home (access to medications as a method.)

Im hoping I can tell you what I've thought of and my potential planning and you all can let me know what I've missed, need to change, etc.

She's been expressing concerns of suicide again saying things like "This baby was my one chance" and "The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom. If I can't be that then I just want to be nothing. Not breathe or think or feel" she's said similar before when we've ended up at the hospital. I'm working from home today and at the ready to take the day off for anything that might come up. Trying to be supportive and listen and comfort how I can for right now.

I'm mostly navigating the appointments for her and am waiting to hear back from the high risk OB specialist currently.

I've told her that: No matter what I will support her and our baby and I wouldnt love either of them any less. Either way she is a mom. That none of this is her fault. And that no matter what we will work through this whole thing together.

Lastly I'm making sure not to lose my shit even though everything feels like it's cracking. She needs a rock, so I'm checking my negativity at the door.

I know alot is up in the air, and frankly I'm probably going to need alot more help with alot of this, but for right now I just need help better being there for her. Any advice you have for us is appreciated.