If you're here with me I'm sorry for you 😂😂😂 but I appreciate you taking the time to read. Life sucks sometimes. I'll be fine. Fair warning, this maybe construed as a trauma dump. Classic verbal and mental put downs and abuse...nothing graphic. Just mean people bully shit.

Prior to December of 23, I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship with a mentally ill woman. I can't say for sure what it was, but what I do know for sure is she heard voices and more. I didn't quite realize how mentally ill she was until later onto the relationship, call me blind, deaf and dumb. There was always love for sure but I knew I couldn't spend my life that way. Also, I had a pending tax situation I knew I had to deal with, so in early October of 23 my landlord emailed me and told me we had to leave. That was my out. And I took it. Yes, some of you would say that I could have left whenever I wanted, and in fact you are absolutely correct. Except for that fact that I realized I deal with codependency issues. That's also currently being worked on. Ultimately my dad, his girl formed and myself came to an agreement with my dad and his girlfriend that I'd stay there for a period of time to be determined. I was told late summer, apparently. She was told march. Either way.

Quick Segway, key to this discussion... This woman is EXTREMELY attached to thr house I was about to move into and the idea of any alteration was traumatic to this woman, and looking back at the least six months of my life following my abusive relationship, living here with here, I feel like I was treated like I was the trauma. I realize she never really had a nice thing to say to me. In fact, most of what was said was actually mean shit. I was bullied my entire life, and it had been awhile since I felt bullied, but I'll be God damned if I don't feel like I'm being bullied. Like I'm 6', 250 pounds and built like a linebacker. But I see this woman, anxiety... Knowing I'm about to enter her general presence, anxiety... What insult will be hurled my way? What unkind remark awaits me around this corner? I'll tell you the truth, if I wasn't a confident man, if probably be dead. I literally basically traded one abusive relationship for another.

All of this is to say that last Tuesday was a breaking point. She has this thing with me being home for dinner at 530. I'm not and NEVER have been that man. Try as I may, I work and I hustle, and my day doesn't end at 5. Most days not until more like 8 in some way shape or form. Didn't matter to her. She'd come down on me like a pile of rocks.

Sorry, Im high as fuck as I write this. Thank God for pot. She called me rude and disrespectful. I'm a great many things in this life. Asshole. Great man. Protector... Rude and disrespectful, not so much. In fact, never. Never ever.

I went outside and hit my bong... My anxiety was off the fucking charts. My dad came outside and said some shit to like try to tell me how not to have this happen. I told him I'll be out inside of 2 weeks. He looked at me like I was mad and told me I didn't have to do that.

I hustled some shit, made some moves, collected on what I was owed, and I came up with 3k. I signed for my new apartment Monday. I'm out this weekend.

This will be the first time in 4.5 years I've had peace. I didn't even touch on the abusive relationship, but suffice it to say these two situations were just as abusive as the other.

Last night I stopped to try to briefly shoot the shit to keep the peace. Ended up in a 20 minute discussion about drive bys and how it's a bad town and all of this other shit. She tops it off by telling me I'm a financial fuck up, possibly paraphrased...the pandemic set me back years for sure... But I'll be back and better than ever shortly. I don't understand why people feel it's so okay to make massive and ridiculous assumptions and speak heavily on shit they know fuck all about. I fell from grace for fucking sure and came about as close to rock bottom as I could ever want. I NEVER want to deal with this again.

To begin bringing this to the ever awaited conclusion, I thank you for reading this sob story. Woe is me. It's been a shit while and it's FINALLY about to get better, and I'm fucking excited. I'm hysterically crying but fucking ridiculously excited. I've been seeing a woman for a little over 4 months and things are going well... And I'm moving things along in my life faster and I think she sees that, and I'm fucking glad. I'm working my ass off to get out of this shit.

As promised: the what do I do scenario. I don't want to speak to this woman ever again, but my father doesn't travel well. He's not an old, he's just not the healthiest. He does drive but it's not comforting to any of us. A part of me wants to tell him I'm never going back there, but I don't think he can regularly drive to see me with his conditions. He only drives like once or twice a week, but he also does 6 hours drives north. I guess he could. I. Also have a bad bad habit of making excuses for people's piss poor behavior. Thank you Melissa, this is why I love you. My girl Melissa is the one who made me realize that I'm too nice to the people who Rent being good to me. She's made it clear that it's entirely my choice, but that if it were here, she'd leave and never look back.

Is that a real possibility? Is that a thing people do? I've started to realize that I've been bullied by my family just as much as I was at school. It's crazy because if you see my now, you'd never believe it. Nobody except for this woman bothers me at this point in my life. I'm a big dude, I'm intimidating and thankfully with that people keep their distance, and that's just how the fuck I like it.

I warned you I was high but probably too late into this story. Anyway, I am so sorry to have run on like this. I'm not crying anymore, so that works. Time for bed soon. I'm watching Below Deck and I need a vacation.