Post marked NSFW because it may be triggering for certain people-

I, (25m) have had a reoccurring issue with being behind the wheel; it genuinely strikes fear into my heart, and I can’t seem to overcome it. For context, I initially got my permit when most others did; around 15-16 years old. The written was fine, but being In the drivers seat was a whole different issue. I failed the drivers test 3 times, and basically gave up after that. I have bad anxiety, and pretty bad ptsd when it comes to driving, as well as a shit ton of other things. My mom had a mental breakdown and committed suicide by car; I was very young, granted, but I realize more and more that my mental health has been hanging on by a thread for over a decade, and my worst fear is that I’ll have an episode and follow in her footsteps.

So here I am, almost 26 years old, and have made no significant progress over the last decade. I just got my permit again a couple of weeks ago, and my friend took me driving tonight; 5 minutes went by before I went into panic mode and had to pull over. Hyperventilating, shaking, the whole deal. I’m ashamed of myself, and I want to do this but I can’t get past whatever trauma is holding onto me. I’m tired of scrutiny and weird looks when I tell people I’ve never had my license, or that I don’t drive. But at the same time, there’s something screaming in me that I’m better off not driving at all. I don’t know what to do, and I really need help. Someone, anyone, please… help me figure this out. Is there anyone out there like me?