Hi,

* I use the wrong words a lot because I'm still learning, please correct me so I'll eventually get it right.*

So, for about a year, the more I (35) hear about it, the more I feel like I'm non-binary (or maybe agender? I'm still working things out). The more I read about it, the more I feel the pull.

When I met my partner, I told him I was bi, but I'm not 'out' because my parents, and possibly 1 of my sisters (we never talked about it, but she married a praise Jesus Catholic, and we were raised atheist so I'm not sure where she falls and we aren't close) said they will disown me (again). Last time was really bad for me and it trapped me in a 3-year abusive relationship because I was in another province and I didn't have a support system. I said I would never come out as bi to them, but I felt he should know as my partner. He was fine with the arrangement but thinks I should go no contact with my parents. I say that’s not his choice.

Either way, I don't think bi is the right word anymore.

As the increase of non-cis people has been in the news he's become vocal against the belief. As an example, here is a previous post (https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/16keeo9/was_i_wrong_to_answer_sds_question_about_hogwarts/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I did about him getting mad I answered a very general question about transgender kids in Hogwarts to my SD.

I don't think this should affect us on a day-to-day level, but if this is a deal breaker for him I will lose so much. He has told me in the past, that if we broke up I would have little to no contact with my step kids (we have a kid together so I’d see them randomly at pickup or school stuff, but like no visits or anything). I love these kids more than I can write in a little Reddit post. I just feel like I’m lying to the person who is supposed to be in my corner. I have told him I do not agree with his views on the trans community in the past and asked him to just not talk to me about it because we are so very polar opposites on this. He doesn’t listen and it usually leads to a fight. Now I just ignore him or tell him he sounds like a grumpy old man with a stick up his ass.

The advice I am looking for is how can I talk to my partner as I don't like secrets between us. I have no plans to transition or come out publicly if that is a factor in your advice. I have changed my work email signature to say “they/them” and not “s/her” As I don’t plan to ‘come out’ so maybe I am overthinking this and I should trudge along and randomly tell him he sounds like the equivalent of that uncle at Thanksgiving no one likes?

Thoughts?