Hey everyone, I've recently come into a tricky situation where this girl in my friend group has admitted she likes me but she's painfully average looking at best and she's said that she likes how kind and caring I am along with she thinks I'm cute. We started texting for a few days and we were being pretty cute together and I suddenly got annoyed so I told her we should just be friends but here's the thing. I have this phobia where I feel like people will judge me for being with someone of her basic looks when I feel like I deserve a genuinely gorgeous woman with a killer body. We've continued talking since what I said hurt her since she was so excited to see me for our lunch date and we were gonna solidify our relationship with a kiss and just say fuck it.

I don't wanna hurt her again but I like being around her and I haven't been with a woman in nearly 7 years and she's the first woman I've ever met who's genuinely looked at me and my mess of a life and still wants me.

I also fear intimacy due to past relationships and bad experiences, don't like being touched and even though I don't talk to women, I wanna be with someone but I don't wanna be tied down and even the thought of being with someone when I've been so self-sufficient being single for years that I hate the idea of being tied down but I want a romantic relationship more than anything.

I feel like if I'm not with someone I find attractive, all my friends will judge me and make fun of me for my choices.

Am I insane...