The title is only slightly misleading. I am a 26 year old male who has recently been informed that his 52 year old father has gotten his girlfriend (44) pregnant. I am not exactly sure how to react. For a bit of back story, he split when I was about 7 and I saw him very sporadically from then until the time I was about 20 when I got into an Ivy League after community and saving and the whole classic 9 yards tale. He started showing some interest again then and it’s been slow but since then my employment has brought me to the same state and our relationship has been somewhat mended, slowly as it may have been. He has been seeing this woman for the better part of two years and she is genuinely lovely, I have no issues with her, but she has been married twice already and has a 16 year old child of her own, but again, I genuinely do appreciate this woman and I like her for him. Now get ready for some drama. Somewhere between my conception and first year of life my father contracted HIV, thankfully he did not pass that along to me not did my mother who is also negative. Supposedly he has been undetectable for ages but I’m not sure what that means exactly. All of this was held secret from me until very recently when I put it together and had to confront him about it. Oh, and additionally, his girlfriend lives in Germany.

It’s been a long spiel with way too much backstory, the real gist of it is that I have been an only child for 26 years, was brought up poor and in a very dynamic environment and have only begun to rectify my relationship to find out that I am no longer to be an only child due to my very middle aged father being irresponsible and I’m not exactly sure how to react.

My initial thought is that I am my own adult and that he made sure of that from a young age, so what concern is this new child supposed to be of mine? But then I think that is close minded for my own development, my father and I’s relationship, and for this new child’s sense of self. Equally as much though, I feel as though I could wash my hands of the whole situation and continue on life as I have been. I’m just not sure what best decision is for me now, what will be best moving forward, and what is morally permissible.

I realize Reddit isn’t the best place to be asking for advice but this is where I’m at and strangers with no skin in the game tend to give decent advice.

Let me know what other details you need as I’m not really sure how to vent but I need to do it.