Hello everyone,

I would like to ask some advice. Please be respectfull.

This can be sound stupid but i alway was a clumsy person even being a child, i had a lot of accident on the past, i nearly died a lot of time too. Some exemple:

-Nearly fall from a mountain escalading metal stairs at 70-80°.(my walk stick hanged into the stair) One time after firework, at the mountain, i was too much excited to return home and i run in direction of the cabble car(not sure about the translate), i pass into a small grove and was too much fast, couldnt slow down, my foot hit a root, i stumbled and rolled, desesperate i tried take anything, i even broke some nails and i could take a branch saving my life because my legs was on nothing, half of my body was on nothing. -Multiple car hit me, even a bus(for this i had only some bruises), i flyed on front, beside, above and even below... -I slipped on the stairs 2 times. One because of wated the other because my foot was too much at the limit of the step. -I remembered to be shocked 3 times, 2 at the shower(brasil) trying to change the température, one time the only reason i didnt die was because the pellet blew, i stayed glued at the shower and melted plastic fall into my body in the same time i was shoked. One time it was changing the bulb on my room.

I have too much exemple like that(30 years of accident) , i have a lot of random scars, and some trauma like fire, electricity, fear of heights...

I tried to see this life different, being more prudent, and when i found my actually GF, i was litterally thinking i was indestructible. Even joking about that.

She helped me a lot, theses 7 years, and my clumsyness decrease a lot, even if i nearly died on my home sometimes, she was here.

Today i had another accident, i was removing the acrylic paint of my work table to start a new paintings, but the only thing i found to remove it was a pointy knife.. I think youre imagining the next... I used too much power and the knife slipped sinking on my right hand, by reflex i withdraw it, and after seeing the hole i put my tongue into it to block the blood and asked help(i sounded stupid) , Fortunatly i only have a hole no need to go to hospital. (my hand continues to hurt if you ask)

My question is, unfortunatly my relationship with her will finish at next march. Not because of lack of love, then we are in good term. Actually i joke a lot with her saying how i will live without her.

But today i realised exactly this meaning. Even if im a lot more prudent, maybe even a little paranoid when i go out of home..

I have the conviction i will not live more than 5 years without anybody near me, because im not young anymore my senses are blunt. Its the first time i realised something like this because i didnt care before. Its just, living with someone caring more about me, created new thought about life.

I sincerely dont know what to do if i cut myself, burn, electrify, break something. Im the type of person who ever help others but for this type of things i dont know how to help myself.

Then yeah, im asking to anonimous person, some advice, maybe there good things to take.

Or maybe i need to return to what i was before, a nothing to care, just living the present self without any worries.