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Hi, I (23 F) have been dealing with a ton of stress related to my brother who just turned 18. Growing up, my parents were emotionally and physically abusive and my brother grew up listening to me dealing with the abuse. Our dad was like a ticking time bomb growing up and would get incredibly angry over small things (like not putting the shampoo in the correct spot in the shower). My brother grew up to despise my dad and has talked about feeling like "less of a man" since he mainly just watched my dad be a dick to my mom and I growing up and not being able to do anything about it. I know he probably has trauma like me (although he was never actually the one being abused he had to witness most of it growing up). My brother grew up and got involved in the wrong crowd pretty young, getting involved in drugs/partying at around 15. His anger issues became worse and worse and he became just like my dad but even worse. He can't keep a job because he constantly gets in altercations, is the type to cause a scene in public with a waiter over the smallest issue, and doesn't have any friends left due to degrading everyone around him. He ended up going to kid jail last year after getting so angry he trashed his ex gf apartment and got handsy with her. After leaving jail, he did stop hanging out with the wrong crowd and got better for a while, but he's recently worse than ever again and just turned 18. I made plans for him to move into my apartment so that I could help him a bit a while back because my parents and him have gotten into explosive fights a lot recently and he has little self restraint around my dad. The past couple months, all he's done is call me up to 5 times a day, constantly asking for me to buy him things or to hang out. I try to help as much as I can but when I tell him "no", he goes off on me, calls me a bitch and a cunt. It's gotten to the point where I am reliving trauma from my dad when I'm around him and feel physically ill when he's around. Last night, he ended up walking into my parents house drunk and picked a fight with my dad (who is now older and nicer) and degraded him and my mom for hours (which happens about once a week). They kicked him out and he called me and asked if he could move in yesterday after I had been crying from the stress of dealing with him all day, and I told him he couldn't without a deposit because there hasn't been an inspection since my last roommates moved out. When I told him he couldn't today, he went psycho on me. I'm at a point where I'm struggling with my mental health and have never been lower, so dealing with him is making me want to check myself into the ER. After some consideration with my boyfriend after sobbing all of yesterday, I told him I didn't want him here at all because I felt he didn't respect me as a person. I feel awful about it because I do love him and I'm so worried about him, but he's so unpredictable that im scared to live with him. Do you think I should cut ties for a while? Is there ways I can support him without enabling him?
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Thank you so much. I know that he can only get better if people stop enabling him, it’s just hard to not wanna help. I’m hoping a reality check changes him because I do care about him.