Hi everyone! I needed some straight-forward insight on a situation that happened between a boy and I (we can call him joe).

Joe and I met randomly through friends in February 2022. He lives in Chicago, and I live in Michigan. I have friends in Chicago that took me to a get together and that’s how we met.

When we first met, I was involved with someone else. I made that very clear as I spoke very highly of my boyfriend at the time and brought him up a lot. Joe and I got to talking at the gathering, and I thought he was very nice and a very cool guy, but I did not think anything more than that.

As time went on, I continue dating my boyfriend, and Joe and I remained friends. I had no romantic connection to him whatsoever, and I did not think that he did either. Joe did come to Michigan for a wedding a month after we had met initially and we went out for brunch. I did invite my boyfriend, but my boyfriend did not want to come. He was very understanding that I had a guy friend.

As the months went by Joe and I would casually swipe up on each other’s social media stories, and say something funny, nothing flirtatious just two friends, keeping in touch minimally. If we were to continue to message because I’m so horrible at messaging I would usually forget to message back and then think it’s too late and never respond.

In April 2023 I had been broken up with my boyfriend for five months, and I swiped up on Joe’s story. Commenting some thing funny as usual. He responded and we continue to have a conversation, he, then let me know that he was going to be in Michigan a week from that date so we planned to hang out.

When we hung out a week later, I casually mentioned that I was single. You can tell that he perked up a little bit after hearing that. And we talked for hours and hours the night that we hung out. During that conversation, he briefly mentioned that he doesn’t like or doesn’t do long distance, which, at the time was a comment I didn’t really think about. From there things took off a little bit. He started to slightly flirt with me a little bit, and me with him. We were getting to know each other more, and we were talking more consistently.

As the rest of April and May went on, we continue to speak, and he asked me to come to Chicago. I thought that I should go because he had come to Michigan twice already in the past year and a half and see me. So I planned to go to Chicago in June just last week. At this point, I had really started to like him, and he clearly started to like me.

When I got to Chicago, we hung out the first night, and while we were hanging out, he asked for us to have a conversation where he said that he is very attracted to me that he thinks I am beautiful, kind, and intelligent. He also said that we have a great connection. But then he said he doesn’t know what to do because he does not like long distance. At the end of our conversation, it was decided that we would just be friends because of the situation, but friends that like each other, and if the situation is what it was. Immediately after the conversation, he was jokingly, flirting with me, not inappropriately. He walked me back to my hotel room door, and he did not come in, but he kissed me.

The same thing happened the next day when we had hung out. He was taking me out, kissing me in public being very touchy-feely, which I welcomed because I liked him. We didn’t get back to my hotel room at the end of the night and he kisses me again. He then stops himself clearly upset with himself, and I decided to let him know that I felt like maybe we should try to get to know each other romantically, even though we were long distance, because I thought that we could make something work since he seemed like he couldn’t control himself, and that he really wanted to continue getting to know me. Even though this topic was almost identical to the one the night before, he flat out, rejected me and said that it wouldn’t work if we did that because he wouldn’t be OK with that and that he has been in that situation before and it didn’t work out for him. For reference I am 23 years old and he is 30 years old. He said he prefer for us just be friends, and that he felt bad for confusing me. Also, for reference he would not go further other than kissing me for a few minutes before he would stop himself and leave.

The next day he was completely different and distant, as compared to the two days prior. I’m not sure why but I was pretty hurt by it. I wasn’t sure if I was going to see him as it was my last day and he even said that he didn’t know if he could see me on my last day, but we ended up seeing each other. We ended up sitting by the pier and just having casual conversation. Afterwards he walked back to my hotel room and he kissed me again and I welcomed it. So it’s both of our faults. As I shouldn’t have been welcoming the kissing.

The kiss heated up, but nothing more than the usual kissing. He stopped himself multiple times, trying to say goodbye by saying “ OK well that was a good way to end the weekend.” He then again stopped himself, and was upset with himself. He was saying that he wasn’t holding up his boundaries up with me and that was his fault. I then asked him if the only reason why he was being like that and didn’t want to do anything with me or be with me was because of the long distance. To which he responded yes and that he would just prefer that we are friends. I said OK, but that I would like for our friendship to remain what it was prior to all of us as we got along very well. And he said OK, but he said to give us some time.

What does all of this mean? I’m very confused. Why would he have me come if he didn’t like long distance? And if he just wanted sex or intimacy, then he wouldn’t have stopped himself and left.

I have so many questions one of them being did he know this before I came to Chicago?

Could there be another girl?

I’m not sure, but if someone could, please help me make sense of all of this, and don’t be afraid to be blunt, it would be very helpful. I did really like this guy and I really was looking forward to seeing where it went. He admitted to me that he had liked me since he met me when I had a boyfriend. So in a way, he liked me more than I liked him for a time.