I posted this in a foster parent group too so if you see both, that’s why.

I recently gained temporary custody of my nieces (let’s call them Jess and Amy) due to abuse and neglect at home and it’s not going well at all. Here’s the issues:

We don’t get replies from our social worker usually, even with being polite and asking what their preferred method of contact is.

We make too much to receive benefits from the government and receive no foster care benefits. But in reality, all our money goes to our mortgage and other bills. And we’re spending much more on food because the girls gorge themselves even with us talking nicely about portions and not spoiling their appetites. I’m sure this is a trauma response in some form and we don’t want to give them eating disorders but financially, it’s a strain. We live 4 hrs from the county the case is in and we’re expected to travel that biweekly for visitation.

The biggest issue is from Jess (17) though. She had the worse of the abuse arguably, being the only one who was physically abused. The doctors say she has a mood disorder, likely RAD. She’s extremely manipulative and compulsively lies even when there’s proof. She verbally abuses me i.e. constantly mocking me, laughing at me, calling me names like bitch, dumbass, dipshit, and a piece of shit. Also calls me her parent’s name (who abused her) to hurt me. She told the cops, doctors, social workers, my husband, and my family that I got on top of her and yelled in her face and hit her. She faked an OD one night and began hitting/kicking me so I did hold her against my body (both sitting up) so she wouldn’t hurt me or herself. My husband and Amy were in the room too so at least I have witnesses. She would talk to me coldly and then turn on tears the moment someone else comes in. I have to record every interaction now. Who she is to me is a totally different person to everyone else.

This has greatly affected my mental health. I’ve been medicated and in therapy consistently for closer to a decade for depression and trauma and haven’t had a depressive episode in years. I cry multiple times a day now and have been thinking of hurting myself. I don’t feel like myself. And everyone keeps saying I chose this and I’m all she has and that she’s a kid. But I’ve been trying with her for months. I feel like everyone is against me. My husband said we can ask they be removed from home but he also seems to think I’m being too emotional. My family is guilt tripping me and I’m being iced out because they think I’m cold.

I think I underestimated how much this would hurt me both mentally and financially. I want my old life back. What can I do? Is this unforgivable?