Im 19 and having an ultrasound for a lump in my chest next weekend and i really dont feel awful, i feel nothing. I really think it will come back postive and idk how ill react. I dont feel like doing any of the school work i have or really anything. If i have cancer ill likely be dead really soon since my lump has been there for at least 4 years. I really dont see a point in doing anything.

I looked up tiktoks and im horrified to see what cancer treatment does to the human body and i know its expected that cancer patients to be stong and positvie and fight for their lives but i dont see myself being that. It seems like a ton of work to literally live as a barely functioning husk. I really think im offing myself if i have cancer, im really mentally weak and dont think i could cope with living like that.

Idk what to do or how to feel about anything atm.