Ive been questioning my thoughts for awhile now and want to say what's on my mind.

I'm 36 m NYC I've always had a bigger chest as I'm overweight and when I was younger I would put on my moms bra, I loved the idea of having tits. Now I have my own and I fill out a 42C. For my whole 20s I stopped and had normal relationships with girls but when I turned 30 I started to watch shemale porn which turned into feminization instructions. I really liked the idea of turning into a chick and being in those shemale videos. I'll get super hard just thinking about dressing up looking feminine and jerk off then instantly say that's not me and regret it but I always do it and too much. I have a job with alot of downtime where I'll just shop for dresses and lingerie then cancel the order once it's confirmed. I love sissy stuff, I'll post on different subreddits even gay ones just so people say I'm sexy even though I don't care if I guy says it. I have dreams about females dressing me up.

I'm still into girls even though it's been a few years since I've had a gf (could be a reason why I want to be one is to technically have one). Im considering getting a cage so I stop jerking off for a bit but I also wonder if that would hinder.

I'd love to chat, answer any questions and discover more about my feelings. DM is open if you would like. I appreciate any help incoming and look forward to the future, whatver that may be.