Throwaway account because there’s nowhere else i can talk about this without sounding bigoted, narcissistic or egotistical.

TL/DR I’ve slept with 40 women in two years and I feel like i’ve lost the value of intimacy.

For a long time, I was just the annoying kid in school. I wasn’t very good looking so I tried to make up for the lack of attention by being loud. I didn’t get any interest from girls until puberty hit me like a tonne of bricks and I found myself more successful than most of my cohort.

When I turned 18, I started to notice bits of attention from girls that i’d never experienced before. It gave me a such a massive hit of confidence that I promised myself that I would groom myself better and live a healthier life. I became a lot more confident and generally more socially dominant, and I think this change is part of the problem.

Fast forward to today, I’ve slept with three genuinely gorgeous girls this week alone, and I’m in my bed feeling miserable because the value of intimacy feels lost on me now.

I do everything I can to ensure that I’m showing respect to the girls I sleep with. I’m clear about the fact that I can’t invest in anyone emotionally (i usually just say i’m too busy to take a relationship seriously, rather than admit that I’ve just become numb to emotional connections). I’ll always make a nice breakfast and try to be kind and listen to them like a normal human being.

But I just feel like a constant shell of who I was before I learnt how to get a woman’s attention. It just feels now that any interest i get from a girl is totally inauthentic because every girl I speak to seems to be attracted to be attracted to what I represent as a man, rather than who I am.

To compensate for this, I’ve ended up challenging myself to approach women in situations that I might be sure to find a more genuine connection. I never sleep with girls I meet in bars or nightclubs, but no matter how charming or how much more intelligent a girl might be than me, and no matter how romantic or meaningful it is, I still just feel unsatisfied with every connection.

I just want to enjoy the company I keep, and i’m worried that I might end up hurting a girl’s feelings if i carry on like this.

Any advice appreciated, and don’t hold back on being stern with me (I feel like i need it)