Marking NSFW due to me more than likely to swear.

I just fucking hate life. I'm 41 years old, I tried my best with all the friends I had and now I'm left with just one who will actually take the time of day to listen and support me. The others have left and gone on to become a family men whilst leaving London, which is fair enough, good for them. But when I give them a call and say hey how are you and they say I'll call you back and never get it... You feel defeated.

It's only because I been to a few mental health meeting of late and they have told me that you have been mentally abused by your parents and a few of the people you was hanging around with. Regarding the abuse from my parents, it was both mental and physical abuse since they struggled to deal with my learning difficulties. The "friends" I did have, they only wanted to know when I had money. Now it's gone, so are they. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet but there's only so much I can take.

The woman I fell in love with lives across the world from me and now decided not to talk to me because of something that wasn't my fault and made me feel like absolute shit regarding it all. I keep saying I'm sorry and I didn't mean to do this and I'm left with silence. It's hurting me more by the day because I'm crying myself to sleep at night and full of regret.

I didn't ask to have learning difficulties, have autism and mental health issues but I'm trying my fucking best to keep standing and see each day as it comes. I just want to have friends that will be there for me and not have to go to gigs or too much of a crowded place because it will give me sensory overload. Nor do I want to end my life because that's not the way forward either. I really want a hug and cry right now.

Thanks.