Here I sit, at age 68, looking back at my life and trying to figure it out. What a long strange trip it's been. I'm posting this here instead of in Relationships to let everyone know that that feeling of "how do they do it" never stops. In this case I'm asking how do you stay happily married for any period of time when people can't be honest with each other. How is it that you could invest that much of your life in somebody, it turns out, has no regard for you? The supply of messed up people in the world has no end and you have to be so very careful to make sure that you don't get involved with them. Of course I was never Mister Insightful about myself.

There is no big long story to tell. It is all summed up in her final words to me as she walked out the door. "I guess I didn't love you as much as I thought I did". She was a sweet lady, a happy lady, the "Mormon mom" type if you know what I mean. She had a couple of bad habits that were irritating but so does everybody. She was a good partner, at first. But then the wear and tear of life wore on our marriage and things got a little ugly. In a lot of ways, it was a typical marriage, I guess.

So here I sit, 5 years out from the end of it all, wondering how I could have gotten it so wrong. Of course, I have my deficits and they are enough to put an end to marriage all by themselves. Marriage takes work by two people. One person can't make it work by themselves. It takes two partners 100% of their relationship resources to make it work.

Which leads me to this possible conclusion. Is it all just too much and not worth the effort? Is marriage truly an outmoded institution? Is it beyond the capabilities of any normal human being to make one work in the long run? How do other people do it? I know I couldn't.

EDIT:. Add me to the list of people blown away by the response a simple little post gets. I appreciate the sympathy and empathy of everyone who has read this but I want to point out that I'm fine. All of that happened 5 years ago and I have had a chance to talk to my ex. We are still friends and she even misses me a little. But she needed something different from what I am. I feel sorry for her that she didn't get what she needed.

I also want to say that my intention here was never to get a lot of attention or sympathy. I posted this in Adulting rather than in Relationships as a heads up to all of the 20 somethings who post here that the burden of adulting never ends. Life keeps on keeping on and you have both hard times and happy times. It's important not to give either too much importance. It's life. It is what it is. None of us ask to be here. And none of us are getting out alive. Just do with it everything you can, weather the storms and learn.